Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Jokes

1 Aibreán, 2008
Issue: 21 – January 2008
Jokes
It is just before England v Brazil at the World Cup. Ronaldino goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

�What’s up?� he asks.

�Well, we�re having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it’s important but it’s only England. They�re useless and we can�t be bothered�.

Ronaldino looks at them and says �Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub.�

So Ronaldino goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads �Brazil 1 – England 0 (Ronaldino 10 minutes)�.

He is beating England all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers �It must be full time now, let�s see how he got on�. They put the teletext on.

�Result from the Stadium:…

Brazil 1 (Ronaldino 10 minutes) – England 1 (Owen 89 minutes)�.

They can�t believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldino.

They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. �I�ve let you down, I�ve let you down.� �Don�t be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!�

�No, No, I have, I�ve let you down… I got sent off after 12 minutes.�

Time is money!
Shopping in a clock store, I found a grandfather clock marked 25% off. It was exactly what I wanted, so I paid for it and had it delivered the next day.

When it was delivered I set it up in a prominent place in the living room. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that it ran slow! No matter how I adjusted it, the clock lost 15 minutes every hour.

Returning to the clock store, I complained to the manager �The grandfather clock I bought loses 15 minutes every hour.�

He replied, �Well, what did you expect? It was clearly marked 25% off!�

Good Business Sense
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken aback, and requested collateral. �Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce�, the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank�s underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank�s doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, �That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest.� The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away.

�Wait sir,� the loan officer said, �while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?�

The man smiled. �Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?�

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